It was in a one week holiday. All my family relatives return to Kedah for my youngest uncle’s wedding. With that, there’s no more my dad’s sibling’s wedding, only my mom’s side. You can say I’m pretty bored with all of these because we already held a wedding for my cousin in Chinese New Year and another at Petaling Jaya. Guess I’m tired to do anything related to wedding for the moments. Wished that I could just online and talked to my Rp Cluster. Chloe is going away for a while so, I’m in charge. I think… they had fun with the Battle Rp though some are still playing Aika SEA Game. In that same day, I also never thought that something going to happen in the Roleplaying Cluster… too naïve to noticed my changes to them.

Anyway, before I leave my grandpa’s house, all of us went to grandpa’s room to say our farewells. Like always, I am the last person who saying good bye to him. He isn’t in a good condition. He can’t walk, probably because of his age or his sickness. When I went inside the room, I felt weird. I don’t know why, but I feel I want to hug my grandpa tightly. However, due to embarrassment I just lend close to him, kissed his hand and also… surprisingly, I kissed his forehead.

All I can say, I don’t know what I am doing but it’s just my instincts are telling me, ‘it’s alright to do it’ and my body moves on its own. One more to say, my grandpa was shocked to see my action and then, he suddenly began to shed a tear which made me snapped, nervous laugh, saying good bye and left the room. In the same time, I wondered why I did that. Now I made him cried. I glanced behind me for a few seconds before walked away from the room and went straight into the car, waiting for other family members.

‘Why am I feeling sad leaving too? But it’s not like we never going to see each other again, right?’ –is the thought of my mind. I never knew. Nobody knew. Only God knows that something is going to happen this year which made all of the Hj. Shuib’s wife, sons, daughters and grandchildren mourn because of the circle of life.

-

3 AUGUST 2012 (Friday, Month of Ramadhan)

Blinking, I closed my mouth while yawning loudly and said ‘astagfirullahaladzim’ afterward. My classmates and I are learning Pengajian Am (General Education) from Ustaz Aziz who is making his jokes right now. I don’t mind with his jokes because it’s funny but sometimes he tried to make my friends blushed by talking about her boyfriend. Nevertheless, today… he is aiming at me because I saw him glancing at me from time to time. [P/S; We also called En. Aziz; a stalker because he always peeks in our class to see whether there’s a teacher or not inside and suddenly appeared behind us LIKE A GHOST!]

“Hah, Fad(me) will have 5 pair of Baju Kurung this year because she has many boyfriend. One clothes for each boyfriend. Right, Fad?”

“Teacher, if I had that much of boyfriends, I have already did it a loooong time ago~” I teased.

“She is planning… “

“Fad is planning…”

Then, we laughed. Unlike last year, we always had a serious lesson with En.Aziz but this year, it’s a lot more fun and interesting to learn although I will clueless about General Knowledge. However, I’m still going to work hard because General Knowledge is a VERY important subject for STPM. Suddenly, before the final class period ends, my phone rang. Good thing I’ve set it silent mode of the whole class will hear anime song from my phone. Slowly, I glanced at my phone and saw a picture of my mom, meaning she is the one calling me right now.

Looking around, I began to question should I answer it or not because the lesson already ends but since the school time isn’t end yet, the teacher is still inside the class. Before I could think of a solution, my phone stopped vibrating. Placing the phone inside my pocket, I looked at the teacher when he said good bye to us and ‘see you next week’. I began to pack my things inside my black coloured bag. I’m the only one packing because feeling lazy to go to extra class. Therefore, I went outside the class and walking toward the stairs to exit the Form six’s building while clicking my phone to call my mom; asking why she called me.

The next thing I found out once I reached my mom is… news that I wished it isn’t true.

‘Fad(me), daddy is going to pick you up.  We are going to Kedah because… Wan(Grandpa) passed away.’

I stumbled upon hearing the news. “Pardon?”

‘Wan passed away just now. We are returning to Kedah.’

My eyes become wide as I tried to set in my mind on what she just said to me. I thought I’m hearing my grandpa died. It’s not true, right? There must be something wrong with my ears… There must be something… wrong…

“FAD~ Aha~ I see you bringing your phone to school.” Pn.Noruzi(a teacher) uttered behind me.

Looking back, I stared at her as she stopped her steps toward me. Suddenly, my legs started shivering and my tears falls down, rolling from my cheek. That was the first time I showed my tears in front of someone who I aren’t familiar with for years now. Pn.Noruzi began to panicked when saw my tears and without noticing, Naz(my best friend) appeared with Ran(a friend) next to her. They all gathered around me to ask ‘what happen’ and ‘why are you crying’.

I wanted to answer their question by only one answer but I just couldn’t say it. I couldn’t believe it. I just don’t want to believe it. My mind is really a mess at that time but finally, I said it. “Did Wan really died?” I cried.

‘Yes, I will never lie about death.’ –my mom answered.

I know that my grandpa has a sickness which made he was sent to the hospital. I know my grandpa doesn’t have much time left. But I don’t know that last year was my last Aidilfitri with him and this year is the last Ramadhan. I thought we still can celebrate it this year for the last time. I know he’s going to die soon but not this soon. I was totally shocked and couldn’t help but to weep of his disappearance from this world…

-

In the same day, in night time… we reached our destination. I can see there are many peoples gathering inside and outside the house. When I came out from the car, I can hear peoples are reading Yassin. At first, I walked normally inside the house, shaking hands with my relatives. However, when they told me to read Yassin and looks Wan’s face… I stumbled once again. My feet started shivering. Holding my tears, instead of going to see my grandpa, I went to the opposite side; sitting on a nearby sofa and staring at the ceiling.

A few minutes later, everyone was called to read yassin before they ‘mandikan jenazah’.  Each time I stepped closer to my grandpa’s body, my body shivered more and more. Then, I sat down as all of us reading Yassin and then, looked at Wan’s face.

When they are washing my grandpa’s body, I waited, waited and waited for them to finish washing him. My eyes become drowsy and I fell asleep next to the room where they are cleaning my grandpa.

-

“Fad, wake up… it’s time.”

I revealed my eyes. I looked around. Everyone is gathering. Everyone is crying. Thanks to my low blood pressure, I was confused. I become blanked. However, when I saw my grandpa’s face… I become lost in words and mind. Then, they called my name to say farewell, to see him, to kiss him and to hug him for the last time.

With that, I began to cry along with my uncles, aunties, cousins, father, mother, brother, sister and also… all my other-side friends also cried. Memories of him began to trigger inside my mind. He has always been with me in my childhood days, making his grandchildren laugh with joy and happiness but now… those days have turned into pieces of our memories. From this day afterwards, he will only live inside everyone’s and my memories.

…The memories of his existence.

So, for those peoples who are still living in this world… you should always cherish both in happy and sad times with your beloved ones. You don’t know when someone will leave this world. Always pray for Allah to extend life and if He takes a life… That person is still living inside our memories… forever.

First of all, if could, please pray for my grandpa who just leave this world a week ago in 3rd August so that he could become one of the golongan orang-orang beriman. Also, thank you for reading this post. I'm really appreciate it. This is my personal and real thought when these events happened to me. It's up to you to believe whether it's a fiction or not. Nevertheless... hopefully my grandpa is fine in Alam Barzakh. *bow* see ya again!