Being emo again...
Friday, February 10 | 0 comments
For already two days that I've been like this. Yesterday came from a teacher and today... came from my own aunt.
From the teacher... I kinda dropped down my guard... My mask because the work is argent and need to be finished quickly. And guess... I don't know whether it's my fault for not coming to school because of sickness or it's because of the teacher who didn't realize that I've been left out...
Neither way, I almost cried in the Teacher's Room but managed to held back and like always~ smiley, smiley... faking, faking. I'm used to it. Annnd right after I tried to control my emotions, Tsukiko... GAH! why did she try her 'karate' on me?! Shit, my hands really hurt when she spin it around.
Almost cried because it DAMN HURTS but held back =__= I'm a good faker, no wonder peoples hard to read me...
Tsukiko didn't do it once but TWICE! Left and right hands... If I got black belt someday, I'm going to kill her... That's for sure.
For today... Like always, I almost 'throw out' at home and my head spinning but I need to go to school since Speaking Test will be today. So, I go to school, ride the Metro bus, reading Yassin at school, learn new things at school, stealing Tsukiko's book again then she 'karate' me again, no teacher coming to class, sleeping, shocked when the next teacher suddenly came into the class, surprisingly managed to score 4/7 in PA pop-quiz based on real STPM while I thought I will get 2 or 0 and finally, return home with Tsukiko.
When I reached home, the second heart stab begins.
My aunt was suppose to go to China with my mom but since my mom have to look after me since I can't cook and definitely can't drive to the bus-stop, my mom stays here with me without going to China.
I actually didn't mind she going with them but my mom don't want me to stay with Tsukiko because it will troubles her family.
So, in the conclusion, she doesn't want to go to China willingly.
But then my Aunt talked something about me... I know that I'm already 19 years old, can't cook, can't drive, NOT smart like my brother who went to University and my little sister who went to asrama penuh...
But... she doesn't know the first THING ABOUT ME! and I have A HEART TOO! Though I am always emotionless and looked like I don't care... I have feelings too like everyone else.
I hate it... Why does many thing happened to me since I was small... Good thing that I sometimes have memory loss.
If could... a long time ago I would kill myself but I am a Muslim, no matter what happen, I will always carry on, keep on moving. Allah is the reason for me to continue on living in this world. Thank you, Allah.
Though I did injured myself sometimes... gomen nasai.
*sigh* HAAAAH!! *silent* *wiped away her tears* Thank you blogger, now I feel better. :DD
Now , then. I shall takes my leave. If any of the Rp Cluster members are reading this, please understand that I need to calm myself and I will be quiet awhile till my 'emo' and 'negative' feelings are over.
Thank you for reading, minnaSan!
There is nothing more beautiful than a person whose heart has been torn apart, but still believes in the beauty of love. I'm proud of my heart.It's been played, stabbed, cheated, burned and broken,but somehow it still works.Life always offers you a second chance.
It's called tomorrow.
Labels: Daily-daily final school-life
